It is generally desirable that everyone has good relationships; recently, some philosophers have argued that access to such relationships is also a demand of justice. I draw attention to a division of labour with respect to responsibilities for achieving this ideal – whether or not understood as a demand of justice. States have duties to facilitate good relationships and protect individuals from many relationship bads, and individuals might have duties to try and befriend those in particular need of relationships. Here I focus on the missing piece of the puzzle about making possible good relationships: each individual’s outcome responsibility for the existence and nature of her personal relationships. For someone to enjoy the non-instrumental value of a relationship, affection and valuing attention must be directed at who she is, rather than ather generic humanity, or her conventional social presentation. Moreover, in the best relationships each party is of some prudential non-instrumental value to the other. To bring about these states of affairs, individuals must play an agential role in their relationships by revealing themselves and by being at least tolerable participants to relationships. This explains why there cannot be duties to provide others with some of the most valuable relationship goods. Further, when one’s near and dear repeatedly misuse the power they have over her, one bears some outcome responsibility: she continues to give them that power, by remaining in the relationship. Acknowledging their causal role in the creation of valuable relationships and in the perpetuation of disvaluable ones enables people to take personal responsibility for showing up and being good participants to relationships, and for putting distance between themselves and those who neglect or abuse them.